Whether it is a customer, a patient, or a supplier providing feedback, it is valuable. Feedback helps to bring awareness, lays the groundwork for improvement and shared learnings, and enables continued success for individuals, teams and organizations. Feedback is a gift, and it shouldn’t be perceived as negative, because it allows us the opportunity to ask what is working, in addition to what could be possible going forward.

In today’s fast-paced world, feedback can be delivered faster than ever in new and innovative ways. The fundamental rules that have governed how relationships work are being rewritten. With social media, we have a new "culture of sharing" and the ability for employees and consumers to share their opinions with the public, in real time, to vast audiences. The popularity of blogs and websites to rate consumer experiences and post comments has become very popular. The ability to receive and respond to direct or indirect feedback has never been greater. This makes it more pressing for organizations to move more quickly in not only accepting feedback but in responding in a timely manner.

Managers and employees alike say they desire to learn and grow. Yet, the underlying challenges shared by many lie in learning to receive feedback and in developing skills to give constructive feedback. I believe the two issues are interdependent.

Why is it that feedback is frequently received defensively or not heard at all? Why do we want to justify feedback or blame others? Why is it so hard for us to accept feedback as a gift?

As a child, we are more accepting of being corrected; we listen intently to caregivers, instructors and coaches. We learn through curiosity, mistakes and repetition. So, what happens to us as adults? What makes some individuals continuous learners and others less so?

Feedback is a learned skill. Let’s look into some practices pertaining to:

1) how to give feedback

2) how to receive feedback

3) contracting on ways of working

4) contracting for feedback

How to give feedback:

Feedback should be timely and given frequently. Focus on trying to provide objective and honest feedback. Position the feedback in the spirit of continuous improvement. Whether with individuals or groups, provide feedback in four quadrants: what worked, what didn't work, what you would have liked to have seen, and what’s possible.

Focusing on what worked helps us to further strengthen our efforts and reinforces certain behaviors. Feedback on what didn’t work and what we'd like to have seen allows us to understand why things didn't happen as we would have hoped. And looking at what's possible allows us to brainstorm ideas and expand our thinking. This format will help to ensure that feedback is balanced.

How to receive feedback:

When feedback is provided, first seek to understand it, which comes from careful listening. Be sure to hear the feedback, say thank you, and do the best to understand and process it before responding. If the timing is not right to discuss it, schedule a time to reconnect when you have had the opportunity to process the feedback and are in the right frame of mind.

Think of the feedback as coaching notes. Ask the other person to give context when possible and to share what they would like to have seen done differently. We often want to move to rationalizing our actions by explaining why the feedback provided is inaccurate or by assigning blame. This completely misses the point of learning from constructive criticism and may make the feedback provider think twice about supplying you with feedback in the future. Note that all feedback does not need to be acted upon. Just remember that feedback is a gift and provides insight into how you can work more successfully.

Contracting on ways of working:

Establishing ways of working within a department is crucial; it helps to set the operational guidelines on behaviors and expectations from a team. These include fundamentals such as responding to emails/messages within 24 hours, using “Out of Office” communication notes, arriving to meetings on time - in addition to committing to giving and receiving feedback.

Ultimately, if feedback is a standard protocol, and everyone is held accountable to participate, it becomes the accepted norm and may feel less personal. Some organizations call it an “after action review” or “lessons learned.” In any case, it is the discipline of reflecting for the sake of continuous improvement.

Contracting for feedback:

Contracting for feedback refers to agreements made with a few trusted colleagues or advisors that are invited to provide you with feedback. Sometimes this is a reciprocal relationship, meaning you supply each other with feedback. Sometimes this is with peers or a coach. Regardless, if you find you are not receiving adequate feedback, invite others to supply you with it. When taking in their notes, be observant of your thoughts and behaviors and how you can improve based on the feedback. Don’t forget to thank individuals for their feedback.

Feedback that challenges us may feel uncomfortable, but can prove to be valuable in accelerating our teams and organizations towards success. If we learn to accept it as a gift and work to depersonalize feedback, it can be transformative. Like anything in life, the more we practice, the better we will become at giving and receiving feedback. In the new world of open communication, social media is redesigning the world of feedback, and we all have a lot to learn. Individuals and organizations need to develop the agility to process and react constructively.